Not for the avid Britney fan, cracked.com takes a look at the best quotes from Brit Brit’s docu. The one thing I can agree with is that Britney is a developmentally stunted tween stuck in a woman. It goes to what I was saying in a post last week that she hasn’t been exposed enough. It affects you.
PoorBritney!
Britney: For the Record
follows Brit for three months, and is part of her sweeping “comeback” effort. I guess after all that footage of her shaving her head, dropping her baby, getting stoned with K-Fed, and being bloated and pitchy at the Grammys (and that’s just one clip), her PR team decided the best way to win back the love of the public was to point a camera at her and just let her go.
Big mistake.
Although the numerous leaks and plants that have preceded the movie’s premiere have held off on revealing what career-killing atrocity Brit has planned for the climax, there’s been enough “real Britney” in the air already to convince me this one’s going to be a winner.
Some pearls of wisdom from Spears herself:
This pattern continues until she’s communicating entirely with monosyllabic grunts and lip curls.
I think I’ve already gleaned all the Britney-related information I’m going to get from this documentary. Firstly, that she’s a developmentally stunted woman/girl whose handlers never allowed her to develop a behavioral palette of more than four colors, and secondly, that it’s hilarious to watch her try and express human emotion.
So that you don’t feel the need to actually watch it when it comes out, I’ve taken it upon myself to capture her essence and synthesize what I’m predicting will be the best quotes and moments from For the Record.
As an added challenge, I’ve included three real Britney quotes. See if you can sort the fakes from the genuine article.
Britney on the Civil War:
“In the end, I still blame myself, even though I try not to.”
Britney on her comeback:
“I’m coming back like a train, like the biggest train. Woo woooo!”
Britney on Darfur:
“I think it could be a lot worse; people have it a lot worse than I do.”
Britney on the theories of Sir Isaac Newton:
“What goes up, it’s like, sometimes…when I dance, I think it’s almost a spiritual way of—it comes down.”
Britney on her time in the Mouseketeers:
“I let bad people into my life because I was lonely.”
Britney quotes Ralph from The Simpsons:
“I have eaten the purple berries.”
Britney on Obama’s election:
“I heard and I was like thank goodness, because now I didn’t feel so bad about the war where they fought their brothers. The one you mentioned earlier.”
Britney on the Iraq war:
“It was bad. I felt sad. Wait, did I already use that one? Anyway, it’s a song I’m working on. It’s called ‘It Was Bad’ and then in parentheses ‘I Felt Sad.’”
Britney on (and demonstrating) spouting random gibberish:
“Sometimes you don’t need to use words to go through what you need to go through. Sometimes it’s an emotion you need to feel when you dance, that you need to touch. And the only thing that can touch it is when you move a certain way.”
Britney on her place in history:
“Everyone remembers the biggest train, right? I rest my cakes.”
If you guessed 3, 5, and 10, then you were wrong because it was actually 3, 5, and the one about the big train.
God, she loved that big train.
Oh, that reminds me: she dies at the end.
Poor Britney is right. This guy has a point though. As much as we all love her, we all also know she is very stunted mentally. I’m not saying she is retarded or majorly stupid but she has not been exposed and it shows. Top that with mental illness and it’s just really sad for her.
I dont think she even finished high school and while she was growing they should have been exposing her to a lot of education but they didnt and thats why her vocabulary and experiences are so limited.
It is sad when you really think about it because the record company uses her like a trained monkey and she has no life outside of that. That may explain why she seems so sad and not motivated about the tour. its like she knows her life is still a mess and a tour wont change that.
okay I’m depressed now.
Oh I love Britney. Alot. But that is probably the funniest thing I have ever read. Yeah, undoubtably she is not mentally as emotionally mature as she should be, no where near, but …wow.
How did Ralph from The Simpsons, slip in there? Hahaha. And the big train? Ahhhhhhahaha
Poor poor poor Britney.
She rests her cakes? Uhmmm…. (I really need an emoticon here, one with big eyes and a slightly shocked expression)
I always suspected that she wasn’t very smart. Now I know it for sure. It really is like she’s twelve years old and trying to answer big grown up questions. But, honestly, I had no idea she was responsible for the Civil War. But now that Obama’s been elected, that whole war thing that was mentioned earlier will be fine, right? *blink blink*
I really am kinda shocked at how totally out of touch she is. Uneducated, I knew, not terribly bright, I knew that, too, but this… She’s practically an idiot. That makes me very sad, indeed. No wonder she needs to be under a conservatorship. I doubt she could think her way out of a wet paper bag, let alone make important decisions about her life. A twelve year old with next to no education and millions of dollars, plus handlers that encourage her to indulge all of her adolescent whims and a record company that just wants to milk her for the cash cow she is to them…. Kinda breaks my heart.
But at the same time, I wonder, how the hell can her mother, who obviously has a university degree (she’s a teacher!), can sleep at night knowing her daughter is so intellectually and developmentally stunted…
I don’t think your readers realized that you made up most of the quotes, even though you clearly said only three of them were true.
The way you took those three quotes and placed them out of context to display spears as being dumb is dishonest.
How do you not feel rediculous for having a website dedicated to putting someone down? Do you feel better about yourself? Maybe it would be okay if your jokes were actually clever, but they are not.
What a waste of internet space.
Uh oh, Jenny looked over the fact that this information is from cracked.com. PoorBritney didn’t write any of it, thus the link to cracked.com?? Doah!
I didn’t know the internet was running out of space. I better buy some.
Jenny, you’re better off at one of the 16 million fans sites. Like those aren’t a waste of space.. And they’re ALL so humorous and funny!
PoorBritney, you once said you cant talk to drunks, you cant talk to some britney fans either, they aren’t sharp enuff to get your what your about. PoorBritney, you should be ashamed of yourself for giving us something interesting to read instead of all the usual britney crap that we’ve all read a zillion times.
*hangs head in shame for reading poorbritney*
@ TinaB
I’ll walk that hall of shame with you.
Jenny, I don’t think you actually understand the nature of this website, the nature of cracked.com, or the nature of the regular commenters on this site. We actually have a sense of humour, and sometimes we use it. Sarcasm and irony, look into it.
But the simple fact is, Britney really is NOT particularly smart, and she IS uneducated. There’s no way any fan can possibly show otherwise. She’s also mentally ill, and I very sincerely hope she actually overcomes that (it’s possible, but it’s very hard work and takes a long time). I also hope she gets an education. A mind really is a terrible thing to waste, even if you’re a mentally ill pop star. In fact, getting an education might do her a great deal of good, keep her occupied, and help her learn how to cope with herself, the world, and her illness. How about that? (I’m so cruel, aren’t I? Suggesting that someone get an education so they can grow and heal. I don’t know how I sleep at night.)
Exyank, you should be ashamed of yourself. Hater! I dont know how you sleep at night either, Ha Ha!
All of your quotes were taken out of context.
Please stop being an ass.
Britney Spears is amazing and has it hard enough without idiots like you making it worse.
Steven, I don’t think you actually understand the nature of this website, the nature of cracked.com, or the nature of the regular commenters on this site. We actually have a sense of humour, and sometimes we use it. Sarcasm and irony, look into it.
Yes, I cut and pasted this from another comment above. I was too lazy to type it all again, just as you were too lazy to read the comments prior to showing up out of nowhere spouting your ignorance.
LOL @ Xyank. How many times have I had to explain this post is not my quotes but quotes by a snarky website? Sheesh already
How can you all say she has a mental illness or that she needs an education? Who are you to be the judge of that? Do you know what this woman goes through every day of her life? No. Do you realize what freedoms you get to have every day when this woman can’t even take a walk with her kids at the park without being harassed and pulled on with a million photographers in her face? No. So, she cracks. She fell for a guy who used her and her money and then just left her. Yeah she went crazy. She can’t trust anyone. So you think she’s mentally retarded because she shaves her hair off? BIG DEAL. Hair grows back. I mean, who really cares? Cancer patients loose their hair and go through so many struggles every day. Natalie Portman shaved her head for a movie role…it’s just hair. How can you say she needs an eduaction? Because she’s been selling sold-out arenas and millions of albums since she was what? Seventeen? Uh, it’s called home-schooling? I don’t understand where some of you got the idea she has no education? Your basing that on the hour long documentary you all watch on MTV? You don’t don’t know her. And, you shouldn’t be judging her. Not any celebrity. You don;t know what they go through every day.
I’d like xyank to answer this. She asks how can we say she has mental illness…
Let’s see. She was hospitalised against her will TWICE, following all kinds of bizarre and clearly reckless behaviour, and then the court system, after hearing all kinds of evidence, set up a permanent conservatorship because she can’t take care of herself or her own interests. It has come out several times that she is unable to participate in things like court cases against her, as well.
If she weren’t mentally ill, the court would never in a million years put anyone else in charge of her finances and her life, especially not in California, and especially not someone as rich and famous as Britney Spears.
Oh, and I know a great deal about mental illness. I recognise it when I see it. I knew (and said) she was bipolar before she was hospitalised the first time. I could see the mania and I there were glimpses of the mood swings into depression. Bipolar is not a disorder that people “just get over”. It takes years to recover from a breakdown as profound as Britney’s, if ever.
Them’s the facts.
Oh, and there is a HUGE difference between “mentally retarded” and “mentally ill”. Good grief. Someone who doesn’t know the difference between those terms is actually lecturing OTHER people?! The internet is a strange place…
Amen Sista!
i agree with all of you first with exyank, cause he’s right britney might be bipolar, 1st because I took up nursing, part of our course is pschiatric nursing, second I am bipolar as well. And I agree that she should have an education. because it helped me alot. When you stopped being ignorant of things, and you know a lot , it could be less overwhelming. specially if you know reasons, and science and logic. thus you could deal with it better.. i also agree that it’s really unfair for britney. she’s talented,a nd in a way I could relate to her, cause i’ve been a single mom, got pregnant early, i was abused by alot of people hang with the wrong crowd. In a way we are kinda like the same, i also got lots of people criticizing everything i do. we’re the same in a less lot less magnified kind of way
…all of you are right….you just need to compartamentalized your ideas
and I could relate to the fact that i am always ambivalent between the child/girl and mother/parent/ woman in me. because a lot of things are sped up , she didn’t develop ,or grew up psychologically, i mean from finding who you are to being a mother plus an environment and society that prevents you from knowing what you are inside…and normal things that a person and a woman go through….who would’t break…..right?
sometimes it’s easy to laugh at things….it could take out the stress in it..but…still too much is too much…although I am proud of her…because she came back…with a winning come back…love her hate her….but still you put up this site for her!!! so still…..